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Facebook COO Sheryl Sandberg was recently quoted on Inc. as saying that successful people learn to take feedback well. What it seems she was actually referring to was “constructive feedback” or what is sometimes thinly disguised criticism. While it is true we all need to learn from our mistakes, whether pointed out to us in the form of “feedback” or ones we spot ourselves, why, oh why, when we refer to “feedback” do we automatically mean the negative?

From my studies in positive psychology, of course I know the answer… Human beings are predisposed to look for the negative first; that has been our natural survival instinct. But being wired to see the negative is very different from actively encouraging it at work.

Of course managers need to address poor performance, point out mistakes and help correct behaviour. But they also need to let people know what they are doing right. And people do things right far more often than the frequency of positive feedback would lead us to believe.


Employ the 5:1 ratio

There is a growing body of research on couples, begun by John Gottman, which indicates that the ratio of positive and negative feedback needs to be more than balanced for healthy relationships. In fact, Gottmann found that the ideal ratio is 5:1 – yes that is five pieces of genuine positive feedback, or positive interaction, for every one piece of constructive/developmental/negative/howeveryouwanttophraseit feedback. This is now being studied in the workplace too.

Other research indicates that the positive feedback will only be effective if the feedback giver is held in esteem by the receiver. For instance relentless praise quickly becomes meaningless, it is the 5:1 balance of positive and negative that works.


In the Workplace

Is it little wonder that engagement at work in the UK is low, when we don’t train managers on how to give positive feedback?

So what can be done? One way tip to give a boost to the morale of your staff is simply to identify something they have done well and let them know. Too many things are saved for the annual review, and too little is said during the course of every day. Meetings focus on problems to be addressed, but why not start them by celebrating one thing that has gone well? That will, as positive psychologist Barbara Fredrikson discovered, encourage greater problem solving skills and generate more innovative ideas. Fredrikson coined the term “broaden & build” for this effect.

Looking back to when I was the manager of an international banking team, I now realise I could have done this better myself; but back then nobody had trained me in the importance of positive feedback.  So if you do manage a team, please start your meetings on a positive note, catch people doing things right and let them know… and remember the 5:1 ratio.



Your thinking strategies affect your performance

There is a general assumption in Western society that optimism is best, that happiness is something to be achieved and that looking on the bright side is the right thing to do.

But optimism has been likened to red wine by researchers Puri and Robinson; a glass a day can be good for you, but a bottle a day can be hazardous.  Here’s why…


There’s an extent to which being optimistic and looking on the bright side is good for you, but also times and circumstances where it’s not.  I’ll discuss the wonderful issue of happiness another time… here I’m going to focus on optimism and the benefits and drawbacks for both personal health, well-being and in business.

The Good News

Research has shown that having a generally optimistic disposition, a tendency to look on the bright side, has its benefits.  Optimists are more likely to live longer, recover faster from surgery, have greater coping strategies with strong social networks, and feel happier than those with a pessimistic outlook.

Optimism and Goals

Optimism, or holding an optimistic bias as Tali Sharot termed it in her book, The Optimism Bias, has some drawbacks.  Research has shown that optimism often means tendency to underestimate the likelihood of negative events occurring in the future.  This can lead to behaviour which is detrimental to achieving your goals.  In one study, optimistic participants were inclined to stop persevering at a difficult task sooner than pessimistic participants.  A possible explanation is that optimists generally have a more positive mood.  Evidence suggests that people in a positive mood will act to preserve that mood.  So if you have a difficult task to delegate at work, don’t give it to the most positive person in your team!

Giving feedback to an optimist may also be a challenge.  In studies, optimists recalled feedback about their performance as significantly more positive than it actually was.  They also assumed they had less to improve in relation to their performance.  So don’t be surprised if some of your staff or colleagues don’t hear the feedback you give them; their brains are selectively discounting the information… they are not consciously ignoring you!

Defensive Pessimism and Performance

This is a type of pessimism which, when used effectively, helps people achieve goals, perform well and reduce anxiety.  Rather than a general pessimistic, Eeyore-type outlook, defensive pessimism as identified by Julie Norem and Nancy Cantor, is a strategy employed by some people to prepare for all eventualities.  When facing a difficult task or situation, the defensive pessimist will think through all the things that could go wrong and how they will feel if those events occur.  They then, and this is the crucial bit, put strategies in place to try to ensure the negative events don’t happen.  I notice this in myself when I am preparing for a presentation or workshop… what if I can’t get into the building, what if the computer doesn’t work, what if my slides won’t load, what if I forget what I want to say, what difficult questions might I be asked?  Then I take steps to phone up the venue to check the access times, put my slides onto a data stick and into Dropbox, put my laptop in the car and think through the questions and my likely responses… all “just in case”!

Don’t stop someone playing through their “what if” scenarios.  If someone well-meaning tries to help a defensive pessimist think on the bright side by telling them not to worry, to look at what will go right, performance can be negatively affected.  So saying to me “don’t worry, you’ve given hundreds of presentations and that’s never happened” isn’t at all helpful, even though it’s meant to be reassuring.  Equally a defensive pessimist shouldn’t encourage someone with a strong optimistic disposition to think about what might go wrong.  They will perform worse too!  So it’s a case of recognise the differences and ‘vive le difference’.

Would you like to increase your levels of optimism?

You can give your optimism a boost by noticing and logging three good things each day (these may be small such as there was no queue for at the coffee machine, or the bus was on time, to larger more significant things such as we won the contract, or I submitted my data on time and the boss was pleased with the results).  Another way is to list the goals you want to achieve and write a description of yourself and how you want your life to look in a few months or years and review this every-so-often.

In summary:

A good level of optimism is beneficial to health and well-being.

Too much optimism can result in ignoring crucial information

Allow people to think through their “what if” scenarios if they need to


References and useful Links

Find out whether you are a Defensive Pessimist

Buy The Positive Power of Negative Thinking by Julie Norem

Research articles by Norem & Cantor and Tali Sharot,